And we’re entering 2005. Nicollette was featured on the November issue of Maxim.

Scans can be found here.

HOME WRECKER
Nicollette Sheridan may live on Wisteria Lane, but does she look desperate to you?
By Eric Alt

For many men, the words “desperate” and “housewives” inspire thoughts of late-night Skinemax movies and Oprah drones with shrieking babies in one hand and Valium in the other. Those of us, however, who’ve actually watched ABC’s twisted drama (which, happily, is more David Lynch than Days Of Our Lives) instantly envision Nicollette Sheridan. Yes, the only woman to star in both Knots Landing and Beverly Hills Ninja has found a home in Fairview. As her neighborhood’s femme fatale, Edie Britt tells it like it is, stirs up trouble, and rocks short shorts in a way that fills millions of soccer moms with envy. Get to know the woman giving a good name to bad marriages.

Was there a moment you thought, Am I really going to do something called Desperate Housewives?
I love the title! It was very interesting. When I’d bring it up to people, they’d say, “Oh, my God, they have to change the title.” I was like, “What are you, crazy? It’s so tongue in cheek, I love it.” You have to find the humor in it. And it’s caught on – 150 countries and counting.

Did you expect the program to blow up they way it has?
Absolutely not. I’ve never known of any show that’s taken off like this one. Before the pilot aired, there was buzz about the show as if it had already been on for six months. It was bizarre. Unlike anything I had ever heard of before. It’s amazing how people relate to these characters.

Do you see the show’s success as a blow against reality TV? In particular, we’re thinking of MTV I Want A Famous Face.
Absolutely! People were yearning for something they could really sink their teeth into. Hopefully, this will be it for reality TV. I think it is going to open the way for more shows of this nature. Whenever there’s something at this level, people jump on the wagon and try to re-create it.

Yep, can’t wait for Anxiety-Ridden Significant Others. If a guy has a preference for one desperate housewife over another, what does that say about him?
Oh, this is so hard! Let’s see: To like Teri Hatcher’s Susan, he’d have to be very in touch with his femenine side. To like Marcia Cross’ Bree, he’d have to be a little maschistic. To like Felicity Huffman’s Lynette, he’d have to be… hmm… really well-rounded. To like Eva Longoria’s Gabrielle, he’d have to be extremely sure of himself. And then to like Edie – well, that would just make sens!

It certainly would. What of all the rumors of constant on set fighting?
It’s controversy. The press doesn’t want to hear that we all get along, that we’re enjoying the work and one another. They love to build you up ad then tear you down. People love all the drama that’s created. There seems to be some sort of mole on the set. Somehow things seem to get out… We’ve been trying to find him,

If there ever is a proper catfight, could you please film it?
For you guys, yeah. Just for you guys. If there ever was one, it would be a good one.

When this dream catfight finally happens, who’s going to win?
I’ve got a mean right.

Do you keep up on the gossip?
You can’t trust the internet. Someone told me there was this Web site with my head on onther people’s naked bodies doing lewd, crude, and totally unacceptable things. I guess at one point I’ve got to get around to suing them. But the real drag of it was that my body is much better than their bodies.

How insulting!
It was! My God, at least do me justice.

Any other rumors you’d like to quash?
There was this thing written that I had gone into a candle store, and my hair went up in flames because of all the hair spray. First of all, I never have hair spray in my hair, and I’ve never even heard of this story, and my hair has never been burned.

Not hot wax? Er, never mind. Have you experienced any other downsides of fame?
Just that I got picked on ruthlessly at the American Music Awards for wearing this Elle Saab couture gown. I kind of went rock’n'roll with black makeup and ended up on Blackwell’s worst-dressed list. But like I’ve said, I’d rather be number one on the worst-dressed list than number two on the best.

Does being on a network instead of cable limit how desperate you housewives get?
I praise the Lord above because God only knows what they would have Edie doing on cable – probably some of the things Kim Cattral had to do on Sex And The City!

Is there a new vice you’d like Edie to try?
Drugs.

Excellent choice.
Seriously, this year started off with a twist: Her six-year-old son came to live with her. One can only imagine. “Honey, can you grab me a cigarette and a scotch?” You know, she could be a really cool mother.

Just like our mom! What can guys learn from watching the show?
There are a myriad of things. Learn how to be an arm piece… to say, “Yes, dear”… how difficult a job it is to be a housewife… a little about S&M. It’s been a pretty full season.

Your Monday Night Football ad with Terrell Owens stirred up a lot of FCC-related controversy. Do you feel honored to join Janet Jackson  in that exclusive club?
I’m so-o-o-o not a member of thay club. But it was amazing that for two weeks it was on CNN and all the news channels. If this was something they were upset by, why play it over and over?

To recap: You seduced Owens by dropping your towel. We don’t see a problem.
It was ridiculous and a sad commentary on America. The NFL moment was done with humor. It was like a Saturday Night Live skit! If America is so freaked out by a couple of shoulder blades – give me a break. Such a double standart. You look at that commercial Paris Hilton did… I found it dirty. I’m not a prude, but I didn’t like it. It was tacky and classless.

So no Carl’s Jr. ads for you, then?
If you had a small child, you’d be much more offended by that commercial than the one I did. Let’s just fry Paris Hilton, shall we?

There’s another catfight we await. What were you wearing underneath the towel?
That’s for me and Terrell to know…

Was T.O. his usual charming self?
He is the nicest guy. He is smart and sweet. He started off a little unsure of himself, but then he relaxed. He didn’t need cue cards. When he’s tired of football, he might have an acting career to fall back on.

Nice to see he’ll have options during his next holdout. What other projects are you working on at the moment?
I’m doing a movie in Vancouver. It’s called The Cleaner, with Cedric the Entertainer.

What’s that about?
Is he FBI, is he CIA, or is he… the janitor?

Cedric, you remain an enigma. What do you do when you’re not acting?
Horses are a big part of my life. I go out to ranches and bring the dogs out and just let them run. I like to hike, I like to sculpt, and I love to read. In the summer my poolside is my office. I can lie out naked and get a good tan and read a good book.

At times like this we so wish we were functionally literate. Any other pastimes?
I gew up with motorcycles. I used to do these charity rides; Honda or Harley would give us bikes. The last time I did it, I was on a Honda Valkyrie. It looks like a Harley, but it’s faster and it handles better. So basically some racecar drivers and I raced down from Santa Barbara and then back to L.A. I won!

Does the speed ever frighten you?
No. I find it all quite thrilling. I’m definitely a daredevil. I love the rush.

As a beautiful woman with a love of the road and a talent for catfighting, how do you handle the barrage of come-ons?
I don’t. Men get intimidated by me. I think when you’re a strong woman, that happens. I don’t know – do you find me intimidating?

No, ma’am.
See? But usually men don’t have the nerve to approach me.

Well, we are extremely brave – like the Navajo. Have any advice for lesser males seeking your attention?
Get hurt. I have a big hurt.

Are there ways they can win your heart without the bloodshed?
No. I like it that way.

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